Monday, January 27, 2014

Sometimes it is just a bad day....

Hello Dear Readers:

   A quick warning. The words inside this post are not cheery. There are no rainbows and unicorns. Inspiration does not live here. There are gloom, doom and self deprecating words.

  So mom, if you are reading this post you may want to delete it now. There. I have warned you. There is my spoiler.

  I am having a bad day. I know. I know, we all have bad days. But this is a rotten one. For no reason. Well, the reason could be my gosh darn stupid scale.  I stepped on it. I know, I shouldn't have. Not in the middle of my cycle and not when I have been working out hardcore and my body is adjusting to changes. Mid life changes. I should just throw out the scale and use tight jeans and my measuring tape. And maybe I will be brave enough for that someday. But for today: It is all a number. One little number. So close, but so far away.  Just last week I was 2 lbs away from a very big goal. Today, 5 lbs. And it just seems helpless. Hopeless.

  All of the work I have been doing. All the workouts, changing up my food. Detoxing from sugar. No more sugar. Cutting out the few carbs that are in my plan, ie. rice.  Boxing. Running. Pilates. Kale. Lots of kale. Did I mention no sugar?? Nothing is working.

    I feel defeated. I just don't understand how all of my hard work produces...NADA..nothing.  If any other normal person followed the clean food plan that I did and did half of the workouts, the lbs would drop. But not off my stupid post baby body. No, it just sits there. Like a big bowl of jello.  I am sick of it. Sick of the belly fat. The arm fat. I just want to throw up when I look in the mirror. I pinch my skin really hard.  I pull and push on it.. but nothing changes :(   I just want to curl up and not look anymore. Wear big baggy sweats and hide away from the world.

  It is THAT kind of day. BLECH.  I told you. I warned you. DOOM AND GLOOM. I have another confession.

  This one does not involve Disney shows. My confession: I HATE my body. I hate the way I look. My hair is too curly. And messy. My eyebrows suck. My nose is too big. My skin is too old.  My breasts have shrunk to nothing. My tummy jiggles. My thighs are too big for the rest of my body. Sure, my legs are strong. But they are thick and I hate them.  There is not much redeeming me right now. Ok. So my lips are ok. They are nice and full and not too dry. But thats it . Really.

   Boo. Poop. Thats what I feel like a big (FAT) pile of poop. It is just one of those poopy days. We all have them. Even redheads. So there. That is what I wanted to share today.

  MY big fat selfish, poopy poop day. Maybe tomorrow will be better. I sure hope so. Or the couch and my old Gap sweatpants will be my new best friends.


Heidi Eklund said...


I appreciate your honesty! It is beautiful, just like you! When I look at you I see someone strong, beautiful, intelligent, sexy and fun, among many other very positive things. And to me you look very fit and slim.

I totally understand how you feel and I am with you in that place from time to time. In fact, I have moved in and out of that place all my life to varying degrees.

Sometimes you need to take a break. Walk away from it for a day. Try something different... GIVE UP even... Fill up your mind and your heart with something else for a little while.

You are amazing! And to me you look fantastic. You have lost so much since I have met you. You have done an amazing job, and you will reach your goals. Please give yourself a break, Beautiful! I'm here cheering you on :)

Unknown said...

Zoe, you are very beautiful and very fit. I know you don't feel that way on bad days, but you really and truly are.