Thursday, December 20, 2012

A letter to my daughter on why Mama is still crying...

Dear Readers:
  I cannot help it. I have found myself crying every day this week. The littlest thing will set me off. Today, I was trying to catch up on my newspaper reading and article after article was about Newtown. And so I cried.

 Tonight as I bathed Ana and held her small body in my arms to rinse the shampoo, I again teared
up. All of those parents can never again sniff their children's freshly washed hair, hold their little bodies in the bathtub or dry them off with big fluffy towels. I got teary as I have done all week and had to turn away so Ana wouldn't ask me,"Mama what is wrong?". How can I explain the enormity of what has happened in a non scary way to a 2 year old? So this is what I try to say or what I imagine I could say:

Dear Ana-
Please do not get scared or cry. Or worry about your Mama crying at strange times. It is not something that you did.  Mama is sad because a bad man did not get help and instead of getting help he got angry. And when he got angry he looked around his house and found weapons. And so he did a bad thing. And hurt a lot of people. Including children. And so when Mama looks at innocent you, sweet, beautiful you, she is reminded of all that innocence and beauty. And how unfair the world is...So please do not worry. Mama will stop crying eventually. But for now, she will kiss your little head every chance she gets. And tell you she loves you at all hours of the day. And listen to every word you say, and give you all of the love she can. Because our time is short and you are everything to me. I love you beautiful spirit. Beautiful girl.

I hope there can be some peace in all of this eventually. But for the time being I cry and hurt for the people of Newtown.


Unknown said...

You brought tears to my eyes. I still find it difficult to write about this situation, or even speak about it. I will eventually talk to my boys and my readers about this tragedy as well. Thank you for your kind words, and hole her close!

Amber said...

I kept crying the other day as well...Lucky for me, my son is fairly oblivious so he didn't even really pay attention. I sure did want to give him extra snuggles that day though.

Rusthawk said...

Your words so sweetly describe so much of what I feel for my own daughter, now in her 20's. That feeling of wanting to protect and shelter them persists as though time stands still from those days when they were so young and vulnerable.

Bonnie C. said...

I, too, can't believe how many violet shootings there have been in our country over the past several years. I wish people would pay more attention to mental health issues, and have help available for those who suffer from them. There is no quick "bandaid" to solve this problem, but inaction is only going to make things worse. Good for you for hugging your daughter, and I think it's helpful for her to see that it's ok to be sad when sad things happen, it would be terrible if our country ever got to a point that it's so numb to tragedy that life moves on as if nothing happened.