I cannot help it. I have found myself crying every day this week. The littlest thing will set me off. Today, I was trying to catch up on my newspaper reading and article after article was about Newtown. And so I cried.
Tonight as I bathed Ana and held her small body in my arms to rinse the shampoo, I again teared
up. All of those parents can never again sniff their children's freshly washed hair, hold their little bodies in the bathtub or dry them off with big fluffy towels. I got teary as I have done all week and had to turn away so Ana wouldn't ask me,"Mama what is wrong?". How can I explain the enormity of what has happened in a non scary way to a 2 year old? So this is what I try to say or what I imagine I could say:
Please do not get scared or cry. Or worry about your Mama crying at strange times. It is not something that you did. Mama is sad because a bad man did not get help and instead of getting help he got angry. And when he got angry he looked around his house and found weapons. And so he did a bad thing. And hurt a lot of people. Including children. And so when Mama looks at innocent you, sweet, beautiful you, she is reminded of all that innocence and beauty. And how unfair the world is...So please do not worry. Mama will stop crying eventually. But for now, she will kiss your little head every chance she gets. And tell you she loves you at all hours of the day. And listen to every word you say, and give you all of the love she can. Because our time is short and you are everything to me. I love you beautiful spirit. Beautiful girl.
I hope there can be some peace in all of this eventually. But for the time being I cry and hurt for the people of Newtown.